Family Strong

It's Been My Privilege

      Just a few short months ago a party was held for an amazing woman.  I did not know at the time that she was amazing,  I knew in advance that she had been battling cancer for some time.  I knew that she wanted to have a blow out party in case her upcoming operation did not go well.  I did not know what family looked like until I met this bunch of wild, crazy, amazing and loving women and their odd man out brother.  I could not tell she was sick, I could not tell if she was afraid but that night I saw a light and energy surrounding her and all her family.
     A few days later she endured an 15 + hour operation to remove a tumor that was intertwined with her intestines. What started out as ovarian cancer had spread.  She again made it through and things were looking good.  I have to believe the support of her family made all the difference in the world.  Sometimes that is just not enough.  A few weeks later her body began to fail her and she was put on hospice.  Her brother welcomed her and the entire family into his home, his man cave if you will.  His world was turned upside down but in a good way.  I could tell he lived for this.  He likes to be needed and likes family around.  He had a renewed spirit that I knew existed somewhere inside of him but rarely get a chance to see.  This is the side of him I like best.  This is the side I fell in love with but am only privy to in stories from his past.  I hope one day to share in that spirit and be a part of that world.
    The first week or so went really well.  The sisters and friends rallied around her for support.  Her twin daughters were so very strong.  I can not imagine if I were in their shoes how hard it would be.  There were make overs and spa days and 24/7 care.  Again the spirit and energy that emits from this crew is incredible. Each one so very different yet so very similar.   This past weekend was not as joyful.  She went through the stages of denial and  still wanting to fight, through to acceptance and learning to let go all in the course of a week. Only love is capable of making this happen.  The support of a strong family makes all the difference in the world
     The final 48 hours were the most amazing to witness as an outsider this time.  Offering to help where I could, sometimes just being there to talk and share in the stories they shared about her life.  The family still rallied around, helping each other now and letting her know it was ok to let go.
     I am not a religious person but I am in awe of that final day.  Her brother left his phone at home and when he realized it went home to retrieve it. At the same moment in time she was slipping away. There is no denying the possibility that this was meant to happen this way.  At the end her daughter heard her say "God?" as if she could see him standing before her. This brave young women told her it was ok, then she simply said "ok" and slipped away.
If ever there were words I would want to here a loved one say in their final moments that would be it.  There was not going to be a funeral or service so they all had a chance to say their final goodbyes in the comfort of the home, surrounded by each other.  I can not think of anything better.  I always disliked funerals because they never felt comforting, this was exactly that.  They could be themselves and laugh and joke and cry all together.  Nothing stuffy or formal but so perfectly them.  Later that evening the clan gathered for drinks and in a bar I have been in hundreds of times, in walked regulars but with a monkey in tow.  The ultimate distraction walked right through the door.  It made everyone laugh and smile and feel a little better because animals have a way of doing that.  The entire reason we keep pets is generally very selfish reasons, they make us feel good.  Even the date could not be more fitting.  she fought an entire extra day when by no means should her body have held on that long.  She passed away on Halloween. She loved children and worked with them with a passion, so for her day of remembrance to be on a childrens holiday could not be more fitting.
     The house is quiet again and I am pretty sure dad and son miss the noise already.  I still feel the energy, something has changed.  I know she is there.  This tough bear of a man gained a new connection with a family he had lost for so long.  This connection was so very much needed in his life. She will live on not just in their hearts but in that renewed connection as well.  I can not help but think she is smiling down here on that very thought.  Although I know she did not know it at the time, her passing birthed new life.  Family is precious and often taken for granted.  For those with strong family ties can not realize how lonely it is for those with out.  She brought two families back together again and I really believe that connection will remain.  There is a positive to all tragedy. I have seen it in my own life and now I see it in theirs.  It has been a privilege.