Internal Dialogue

Internal Dialogue

     People who talk to themselves are crazy.  I remember hearing that phrase quite often as a kid, and so in my young mind I was crazy.  I had a constant internal dialogue.  That young little girl made up stories and plays, songs and music, conversations that were one way as well as two!  It was not until college that I realized that everyone does this in some form or another.  My imagination may have been greater then most and my inability to quiet my own mind is still a struggle to this day.  I have tried yoga and meditation with some success, but there has been only a very select few things in this world that have truly brought me peace.  I remember an exercise I learned in school that I would go on to teach in support groups.  Talk to the empty chair.  The goal was to practice a major conversation on your self first.  The object was to play both sides so you could take ownership of your own responsibility  in the problem that existed.  The initial reaction was always the same.  " I can't do this". " I feel stupid". " "I can't predict what they will say".  To this I would respond, " you are already doing this very exercise everyday of your life.  We all have an internal dialogue. We predict what our partners, children, friends, family, and co-workers will say to us all the time!  People are usually very accurate in what the other person will say because whether we know it or not we pay attention to so much more then we realize on a day to day basis. 

     The really hard part of the exercise was self communication.  There was a particular support group I ran that had individuals with very battered self esteems.  Their internal dialogue was so negative they did not need any one else to tell them they were not good enough.  It was my goal to convince them that they were their own worst enemy.  I started by having them just write words on paper that popped into their head a lot.   The word "why" was universal.   Most of the women began  their internal conversations with why dozens of times a day.  They were searching for answers.  

     I told them to pick a positive saying and every time they heard themselves say "why " in their minds they had to repeat the saying.  It actually got to be a very fun exercise with the large age range that existed in this group.  One elderly woman who had lived through a lifetime of abuse often followed her why with " you don't deserve it", so when she wanted to buy something as simple as a nick knack or treat she would stop herself.  A young girl in the group, I believe she was about 19 told her to follow her why with "because I'm a hot mamma".  The next week at group this frail little woman with no confidence and so much fear, walked into the room beaming and looking 50 years younger.  We asked how her week was.  She said she has not stopped smiling all week long.  She had not laughed so much since she was a little girl.  I asked her what the big change was.  It turns out she would say "why" to just about every thing she did in life.  So all day long she had to keep repeating to herself, " because I'm a hot mamma"!  This phrase made such an impact on her that by the second week she had bought a dress, gone to a beauty parlor and even got her nails painted for the first time in literally decades!  This woman was 87 years old and living free and happy for the first time in 70 years!  I believe if she could make a life change and be happy just by changing her internal dialogue then truly any one can do this.  

     That group was 10 years ago and I just thought of her today when I noticed my own internal dialogue has taken quite a nosedive lately.  So in honor of this incredible spirit I will repeat her words for the next week. " I am a hot mamma"!