I think I Will Take a Trip

Why...

     I think I will take a trip.  I want to take my daughter to NYC.  She has been there several times for American Girl bus trips sponsored by a local tea shop.  She has Seen Central Park and Macy's and all the normal sights.  She has never seen "my New York".

Why do we do that, as parents, we hide ourselves from our children.  I hear parents laugh at parties and say " if my kids only knew how cool I was".  Why don't they know.  I understand how it happens but I can not put my finger on the why.  These are not bad people or morally unsound.  Many are no different then they were in school and yet they put on this fake parental air when the kids are around.  Do they think it will make them seem more authoritative.  We as adults know we are all just floundering along in this parenthood thing, so why make it harder by putting undo pressure on yourself and pretend to be someone you are not.   When my daughter was young we were so carefree and happy together.  It did not mean that I was her friend or that I lost any power.  She listened to me and quite honestly I think she listened more back then! When we moved to the suburbs it was like some mist of conformity surrounded us.  She tried to be preppy and I tried to be a soccer mom.  It did not work out so well for either of us, and now we have lost 5 precious years of real bonding time.  

     I am putting an end to that.  I will not hide who I am for I am not ashamed of me.  I am not a corporate executive like my mom, and I am not a PTA "make the cookies mom" like my best friend.  I am me.  I like to write, take pictures, and explore new places.  It is who I am.  She still calls me her "lil hippie momma" but I have not seen me in a while.  It feels good to be back.  I feel a freedom washing over me as I except who I am is who I am meant to be.  In many life times I have traveled and yet my soul remains constant.  I am always this being.  I am home in this body and these thoughts are comforting.  

     This fall we will go to NYC and go to Saint Marks Place to see all the band shops, go to coffee shops and book stores and art galleries.  We will walk along Broadway at 2 in the morning when the town is really alive.  We will lay in the grass in Central Park on a Sunday morning when this massive bustling city is unimaginably quiet. We will paint clouds in the sky like when she was young, and talk about life.  

    I think I will take a trip... Back to my self...