Repetition

Repetition - the act of repeating...
     Every one lives by repetition.  I do not care who you are or where you live or what you do for a living; at some point on a day to day basis you repeat yesterday.  Some people need this constant in their lives to survive.  They get up at the same time and do the same thing everyday.  For others this lifestyle is a death sentence, literally it will drive them insane with boredom.  Most of us fall somewhere in the middle.  As for me, I need to know that I have the option of doing some things every day.  I go to the gym.  I read something about current events.  I check my emails.  This is about the point in the morning when I say " what now"?  I am lucky to have a job that is ever changing.  Every day is a little different..  Still it is not enough and I crave more.  I need more.  I often feel like i am going to go insane if I just don't get in my car and go "anywhere"! When I was young I would do just that.  I would often pick up and go to other locations for a couple days, months, even years.  I can not do that now as my teen daughter would probably be a little upset if I disappeared. She has told me many times that we can just pick up and go somewhere else.  The girl in me says "yes lets do this"! the mom in me says " what are you doing you idiot?"  We both would love to live on the west coast for a while, but I can't just pick up and drive there with no plan.  That was easy to do when I only had to worry about me, but at the very least my daughter should have food and a good education.  She says I have no spirit.  I am not cool or fun anymore.  She is unfortunately very very right.  I am dying inside day by day.  I need to do things.  I need to travel.  I need to see other places and meet other people.  She will understand one day that some things are more important.  In 4 years she will be off to college and I will travel again.  For now I have to let her think this is what is right.  If I had raised her the way I wanted and not what every one said was right she would be a very different girl right now.  We would have traveled the world together and had many adventures.  I could have taught or counseled or saved the planet in a dozen different countries.  I think how cool it would have been for her to be raised that way and to know her mom's true spirit.  Sometimes we let life and others opinions get in the way.  I hope if I have taught her one thing in life, it is that you should value your own opinion the most.  She does remember the home school years.  Just last night she was reminiscing about when we would just pick up and go for the day to all kinds of places.  I would find something educational in each city and we would use it for all subjects.  I hope we will have times like that again one day.  She can come visit me on her school breaks where ever I may be.  I will write her real letters and mail them if mail still exist.  She will once again know the art of travel and exploration.  She will once again learn to appreciate other cultures and societies.  This will serve her well in her career.  Yes for now my life is on repeat, but nothing is constant and change is inevitable.